![]() ![]() What is the impact of narcissistic abuse? They may withhold money, sex or communication anything to make their victim feel emotionally unstable. They may become verbally abusive, manipulate, use emotional blackmail, and gaslight. This is when the narcissist will show their true colours. At this stage, the narcissist is in, what Vaknin describes as, ‘the pathological narcissistic space’. When the behaviour of the narcissist flips, he (or she) will seek to destroy the talents and attributes they at first admired. At the outset, a narcissist will come across as being likeable and charming.Īs the relationship develops (when the honeymoon period is over), the narcissist becomes disillusioned, dysregulated, and aggressive. They are attracted to people who reflect well on themselves, as they like to show off. At first, the narcissist will idealize their partner, putting them on a pedestal – this is the space of shared fantasy. The narcissist wants to surround himself (or herself) with people who align with a grandiose image, so they are often attracted to strong-willed people. Narcissists’ relationships are often based on surface attributes, such as beauty, power and wealth. Narcissists develop as such because they have had an emotionally painful, neglectful, or even abusive, childhood. The child has been unable to take on reality and ‘individualate’. ![]() This, he explains, stems from parenting that hasn’t allowed the child to separate appropriately from the mother. Although the narcissist can appear to be unpredictable, unfathomable and complex, in reality, Vaknin says, they are actually “a very simple, binary machine” with “the behaviour of a two-year-old.” Professor Vaknin describes the narcissist as having an “assemblage of personalities in one body.” 2 It is impossible to figure out a narcissist because behaviours flit between two spaces. He (or she) will never perceive that there is a problem with their own behaviour – fault always lies with somebody else.Ī narcissist has no problem with destroying relationships openly and recklessly. A narcissist feels easily slighted and is often moody. When a narcissistic person doesn’t get what he or she wants, they become impatient, rude and angry. They may be boastful and arrogant, expecting people to rally around them. They behave with entitlement, expect constant praise, and believe themselves to be superior. Narcissists have an air of self-importance. The narcissist in your life will begin to dismiss you and your needs and if you try to reason with them, they will belittle you, saying things such as – “you’re being over dramatic” or “don’t be ridiculous.” Your dreams, ideas and needs don’t register to them at all, because they lack the ability to care and are incapable of feeling empathy for you. This will slowly appear as the relationship moves forward. Narcissists are generally domineering, dictating what you do, where you go, and even what you wear. Or they may begin to comment negatively on your appearance or behaviour. ![]() When the first cracks start to appear, behaviour may manifest as an occasional angry outburst, or you may notice that the person is unable to take feedback or criticism of any kind. ![]() The relationship may feel almost too perfect. At first, they will shower you with praise, and in the case of romance, love. The first signs that indicate your partner/boss/friend is a narcissist will likely be subtle. ![]()
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